Dreams and Nightmares
by HPOwlLover24
Summary: Marie has been having reoccurring dreams and nightmares for years. She didn't know how to handle them, so she wrote about them. She was always told that they weren't real, but she always obsessed over them, believing they were. They were just so vivid…so what happens when it turns out that she was right? (Female Marco POV read end of chapters for more notes)
1. Press Conference

**Press Conference**

_I was lying in bed. My back was sore and my waist hurt from the 3D maneuver gear. I knew I would have large, purple bruises where every strap had been. Training was hard, but it will be worth it. I was going to join the military police. I would love that. I'd make my mom proud._

_"Marco?"_

_I smiled, turning my head to the right. To the sound of _his _voice, "Yeah Jean?"_

_He was staring at the ceiling, his eyebrows drawn together. He seemed to be concentrating on something. I wanted to reach over and smooth out his forehead. He was too young to be worrying about anything and look so serious. Then again, we were all too young to be there._

_"Jean?" Despite the state of my body, I turned myself in his direction._

_"We're going to stay together right?" He angled his head towards me and I could see the panic and fear in his hazel eyes._

_I smiled warmly at him, "Of course. Don't worry about such things." I wanted to take him in my arms, comfort him._

_He visibly relaxed at my words, "You're not going anywhere right?"_

_I grabbed his hand, "No, all I need is right here." He intertwined our fingers._

It was black. Please. Just a little longer…

_I saw him smile, "That's so damn cheesy." He squeezed my hand._

I gripped the sheets. No…wait!

_He leaned towards me. His eyes closing. My heart began racing as I also closed my eyes..._

I blinked.

The white ceiling of my bedroom stared back at me.

I looked to my right, blinking sleep out of my eyes. There was nothing there but my nightstand. My arm hung off the bed, my hand cupped and fingers slightly parted.

I sat up, sighing. My hair fell in my face.

I know it may seem confusing, but I've been having these dreams for years. I haven't dreamt of _anything_ else except these dreams of another time, another world. A world that was falling, humanity was failing but fighting.

The weirdest bit: I was always male.

I grabbed my hair and tied it behind me. Looking around the cluttered room, I decided to get ready for the day. I did have an appointment after all. But I still didn't move.

I'm Marie. Marie Bolt. Yeah, like lightning. Anyways, because of these dreams, I'm a writer.

My first book, _Life in the 104__th__ Training Squad,_ sold like mad. I mean, soldiers training to fight giants? In midair? I didn't expect it to do so well, but it did.

So I wrote my second book, _Humanity's Loss,_ where I finally introduced these giants: Titans, and how humanity slowly seemed to be losing.

That book did better than the first. I became an instant best selling author. It was weird, having my own press and photos being snapped. I wasn't crazy famous, like actors and actresses, but I did have people ask for autographs and every now and then paparazzi would seek me out. And don't get me started on the confrences.

Anyways, both books were told from one point of view. A young teen named Marco, who seems to be a lot like me, except he's a guy and I don't fight Titans. I am even- no. I stopped for a second playing with my hair. What I mean is _he's_ described in my like, with wavy black hair (even the bangs were the same!) and freckles and tan skin, Everything except that he's taller and with shorter hair…and other things.

I blushed at the thought, hiding my head in my hands. No one is even around! Why am I blushing?

I climbed out of bed quickly and headed to my closet, looking for the dress my mum helped me pick out.

It's been a couple of years since my last book, but today I release a third. It's not the third book, but more of a prologue. It goes in detail about how humanity lived before they cowered behind walls and were capable of fighting. I begin to work on my final book tomorrow.

I walked to my bathroom with a slight smile on my face, my footsteps muffled against the carpet. I remember my family's reaction to my first book. I mean my parents and siblings all read it and thought it was excellent, so I took it to an extremely close friend who was in publishing and knew me from our days in university.

He called about a week later and told me my book was a hit. They couldn't print enough. My parents were excited, to say the least. They knew my dream was to become an author, and that book took a lot of time. It drained me emotionally and kept me up late at night. At least my degree doesn't go to waste.

I stepped in the shower and gave my body a quick wash. I am grateful. My parents have been saints, supporting me through it all. My publisher, Armin, has been a great friend. And my siblings…I laughed out loud. They're another story.

Wrapping a towel around me, I began to blow dry the little sections of hair that got wet. I even made quite enough money to help my siblings go to a university. With both of them being there at the same expensive university at the same time, it was a little hard for my parents to even try to send them. But now they are both there in the arts, one for acting and the other for art.

My mind suddenly started traveling to me dream. _Jean._ I put the hair dryer down and bit my lip, staring at my reflection. I wish I could tell him something, anything. I sighed, but I can't.

He's only a figment of my imagination.

There was a knock at my door, and then the sound of it being unlocked.

"Marie?" I heard my mum call out.

"In here!" I answered.

In the next second, I saw her smiling face, "Good morning honey."

I smiled back and gave her a hug. Then I gave her a sheepish smile, and handed her my hairbrush, "Please?"

My mum rolled her eyes and laughed. She took the brush and started brushing my frizzy hair.

There's something about a mother's touch that can calm you down. My heart wasn't aching so much anymore about a guy who doesn't exist.

My mum gathered my wavy hair into a simple, but elegant, ponytail. I turned around and she continued fixing my hair. I giggled at her frustration. The front of my hair was a little challenging sometimes because of my not-really-bangs-but-they-are-bangs. They didn't cover my forehead, just sort of drifted off to each side of my face.

"There," she said, finally satisfied. "Now what did you want for you're make up?"

I thought for a second, "Hmm…something light, to match the dress."

My mum nodded and started applying blush.

"Where's dad?" I asked.

My mum laughed softly, "Where do you think?"

I listened and could hear the faint sounds of a baseball game coming from my living room.

I smiled. Oh.

The atmosphere seemed to change and my mum stopped putting eye shadow on me. I looked at her. "How's Ryan?"

I turned my face away from her. Ryan is my- ehm, boyfriend.

"I…" I sighed, "He's mad at me."

She turned my head to look at her, "Why?"

"Armin told him he couldn't come to the interview today. And, because he's my publisher and best friend, I agreed."

She sighed, "Sweetheart, you're too nice for your own good. And a year is long enough to stop making excuses."

She finished applying the eye shadow and put a little mascara on me. "I just don't want to be alone," I whispered. The thought of Jean flashed through my mind. My chest ached.

She finished my make up and I blinked. She had a soft smile on her face, "Honey, you will meet your Jean someday, but Ryan isn't him."

I tried to give her a small smile, "I know."

I turned to look at my reflection. It was weird to see how…soft I looked. The eye shadow was a very light gold and my lips were a soft pink. The blush made my freckles pop and the mascara made my lashes appear longer.

"Why is everyone in my family an amazing artist?" I murmured.

My mum laughed, "Marie, come on now, put on your dress and we can go. Armin may already be there."

I nodded as she headed out the door and turned back to my reflection.

When will I meet my Jean?

As it turns out, I was rushed out of my apartment. Which is a real bummer because I left my most favorite necklace behind. I tried not to frown.

The car ride to the event was uneventful. It was a short, twenty-minute drive I spent daydreaming of undercuts and hazel eyes.

The car stopped and I got out. Immediately, I met up with Armin. The small blonde looked excited, his blue eyes sparkling.

"Marie, are you ready?"

I nodded. He was always happy to host these things for me. I didn't mind him planning everything and enjoying the people who came, but I didn't like talking to the press too much. They usually twisted words around or asked extremely personal questions. That was uncomfortable sometimes.

We walked to the doors of the large bookstore and said goodbye to my parents as they went to get their seats. Before opening the door, Armin looked at me, "Are you alright?"

I sighed, "Yeah. I'm fine, Armin." He could read me like an open book, that's why we clicked so easily.

He hesitated, but then asked, "Did you dream about Jean again?"

I smiled sadly, "Yeah."

Armin looked as if he was going to say more, probably encouraging words, but gave me a hug instead. I'm so grateful to have this smart blonde in my life. He helped me through so many dreams and issues with Ryan.

He pulled back and kissed my forehead, "After this, we'll get some fudge and coffee, yeah? My treat."

I smiled, "Thanks Armin. I'd love that."

He gave me a smile of his own and led me inside.

The press conference was larger than I anticipated. The first row was extremely close to the small stage I will be standing and sitting on. Half of that row was my family, Armin, and a few- very few- other friends. The other half and next four rows were immediately filled with reporters.

Cameras started flashing and immediately everyone was talking at once. I shook my head, trying to make sense of the harshness of all the voices calling to me at once. Armin handed me the microphone and walked off the stage, giving me a small smile of encouragement as he went.

I took a deep breath and tried to quell my nerves. _I wish I had my necklace._

I spoke into the microphone, "Hello everyone and welcome to the release of my next book: _The History of Humanity and the Titans._ We can start with the questions now." I looked around and walked to the left of the stage. A man behind my dad caught my eye and I pointed to him, "Yes sir?"

"Hello, I'm Andrew for Trost Times-"

"Please everyone," I interrupted him. "Can we forgo the names and titles? It'll allow more time for all of your questions." I turned and looked back at the man, "Sorry for interrupting you."

"Yes, well," he cleared his throat. "Are you aware of the homosexual relations between your main character, Marco, and Jean?"

I thought for a second, why should that even matter? Is that what people are really interested about? Instead I simply said, "Yes."

Someone else then shot off, "Well, aren't you worried about the impact it may have on people? Especially the young population who may read your books?"

_It appears as though they aren't patient this time. _I laughed softly walking back to the center of the stage, "No. Who are we to say whom someone can and cannot love? Love isn't about what the other looks like. It's about the union between two souls who have been searching for each other."

Another woman raised her hand, "Is that why some have taken to calling you 'Ms. Gently Outspoken'?"

I smiled, "I am honored by that nickname, but I have no honest idea why I've been called that."

"So, Marie, have you met your Jean yet?" I heard a woman ask from the back.

I felt my smile slip slightly, but not enough for anyone to notice. What should I say? People know about Ryan, but that wouldn't be honest. "No, I don't believe I have met my Jean."

Hands shot up and people began yelling out again. I pointed to a woman in the fourth row, "Yes ma'am?"

"Is it true that your name during your first years of life was Marco? And that's why he is your main character?"

I sighed as my ears began heating up. "Yes, I was named Marco because, with the sonograms and tests, doctors said I was to be a boy. With some legal documents done before my birth, I could not change it before I started school. Although, that is not the reason he is named Marco."

Another man, "How would you define yourself as a female then?"

This time my face did turn red. I could see Armin standing but I discretely shook my head. I could handle this, people asked me this all the time when they found out about my name. I took a breath and said, "By medical definition." I smiled, "I have female organs and…er parts. And no, I've never had any of those of the opposite sex. And by my definition, I believe I am a female."

A woman in the front row, "Everyone wants to know Marie: where do you shop and who does your makeup?"

I chuckled softly, a wide smile spreading across my face, "My mother does my hair and make up, and I go shopping at regular malls with her and my sister." _Maybe we're moving away from the personal questions…_

"Marie," a man in the middle row, "what can we expect from your new book?"

I sighed gravely. Armin told me that would be a great effect to use for this book. "You can expect to learn about the original time of man living with the Titans. The hiding and fear. The struggle and frustration. But I won't give any spoilers," I grinned.

There was a collective groan from the audience and I laughed at their enthusiasm.

The questions continued for another half hour. Although I was finally enjoying the less personal questions, I could feel myself reaching my limit. My throat was getting scratchy and my voice was gradually getting softer. Then Armin came up and took the microphone from me, "Thank you all for coming. Marie's book, _The History of Humanity and the Titans,_ is now available for purchase!"

Immediately, people began to clear out and purchase the book, even the reporters. I smiled at Armin gratefully.

"How do you feel? They weren't supposed to ask personal questions. Only questions about the book," he said in a rush.

I laughed, shrugging my shoulders, "It's alright. I think it went rather well." I gave him a small smile, "Besides, the personal questions ended quite early; considering all the other times that had happened before."

Armin nodded and avoided looking at me.

I frowned. "Armin? What's wrong?"

He looked at his shoes. The crowd had long gone in search of the books. I suspected my parents went to fetch the car. Only the technical staff was here, picking up chairs and gathering speakers. We were alone on the stage.

"Armin." I placed a hand on his arm. Something was really bothering him, and that made me feel a little uneasy.

He picked up his gaze and his blue eyes bore into my brown ones, "What you said about love, did you mean that?"

I nodded, "Of course I did. I wouldn't say otherwise. You know that."

Armin nodded again. Then he smiled, "Well, we better get going. You're parents want to go with us, and they volunteered to drive."

I followed him off the stage. Why is Armin acting so strange?

"Oh and Marie?"

I looked up at Armin. "Yeah?"

"You should really leave Ryan." He held up his phone and I saw several messages saying very rude things. Things that made my cheeks heat up in anger, and I hardly ever got angry.

"When did he do this?" I growled.

Armin sighed, holding open the door for me. "Through the entire conference. Even called a couple of times. Don't get too upset Marie. I just thought you ought to know."

I shook my head as we walked to the back of the store in the direction of the parked car, "I had no idea he would be like this. I'm sorry Armin."

Armin opened his mouth to reply but was cut short.

"Hey, Marie!"

I turned around and saw Ryan walking toward us. Actually, it was more of an angry, unsteady stomp.

"Speak of the devil and he shall appear," I murmured. Turing to Armin, I put a hand on his shoulder, "Go tell my parents I got held up for some autographs. I'll be there in a second."

Armin regarded me slightly and I gave him a warning look. He sighed and continued walking the direction we had been going.

I turned and looked back at Ryan who was standing a couple of feet away from me. He looked completely trashed. His blonde hair was messy and his clothes looked as if he was stopped in the middle of undressing. Even from here, I could smell the alcohol coming off of him in waves.

"Ryan, have you been drinking?" I asked cautiously.

He looked at me then to my dress, "What's it to you? I couldn't even come to hear you fucking talk."

I winced, slowly taking a step away from him. "I'm sorry, but that wasn't my choice. You misbehaved at the previous one."

Suddenly, he had me against the wall. His hands holding my arms above my head. Despite the current situation, I felt a strange calm rush over me. As well as anger. I suddenly knew I could protect myself now if it became necessary. But the smell of beer was making me sick to my stomach.

"Ryan," my voice unwavering. I regarded him coolly, "Let me go."

"Why? You're my girlfriend right? Doesn't that mean I can kiss you?" He looked at my dress again. "Let's see what's under here."

"You're drunk." I stated calmly.

With a rather harsh twist, he was slammed up against the wall and I was standing a few feet away.

"Shit Marie. That fucking hurt," he growled, nursing his wrist.

I kept my composure. I really hated violence. "Go home Ryan. We're done."

To my astonishment, he laughed. I cocked an eyebrow in surprise. "Are you breaking up with me? Why? To wait for your precious _Jean?_"

I took a step back in surprise, "What do-"

"I heard you!" he yelled, as he stepped away from the wall. His eyes were full of anger. Maybe he was more sober than I thought. "I fucking heard the reporter ask if you found your Jean!"

I took another step back, shell-shocked. He stepped toward me.

"And what the fuck did you say?" He continued his advance. I was against the wall again. "You said no! So what have you been doing with me this whole time? Hmm? Using me?" His fists were clenched at his side.

My voice wavered, "No, Ryan, you misunderstood-"

"You bitch! I got the message loud and clear!" He raised a shaking fist.

My eyes widened, he's going to hit me.

I was still shocked and my voice wouldn't work. Tears sprung to my eyes. The calm and confidence from earlier was gone. _Do something, Marie!_

As his fist came forward, a hand came up to stop it.

I blinked in surprise as Ryan was swung and thrown away from me. He hit the wall on the other side of the alley, the sound of his head hitting the wall echoed. Ryan fell to the ground, not moving, but still breathing.

All I could do was stare in disbelief. Someone grabbed my hand and started dragging me towards the back of the store. I slowly allowed it, still looking at Ryan.

Then I looked at the hand in mine and felt immense warmth.

"Hurry before someone comes to see what happened to that little shit. You don't want any bad press now, do you?"

_That voice._

My head whipped up so I could look up to see a sight that stopped my heart.

The undercut, colored black and a shade of blonde. That smirk, from the mouth that can release harsh and gentle words. _Those hazel eyes._

"Jean?" I asked in a cracked voice of disbelief, tears springing to my eyes.

Jean smiled at me with slightly watery eyes, "Hi, Marie."

* * *

Okay, so here's the first chapter...I wonder what happens if I try to upload it all at once...

Gah, I'm getting ahead of myself. This is my own thought. It literally came to me in a dream. It's fem!Marco (Marie) from her point of view. And for those who don't like the idea of fem!Marco, there's a point behind it! I promise. I'm going to try to upload the other two chapters now...*whispers* please be patient with me.


	2. Surprises

**Surprises**

I was in shock. I couldn't take my eyes of him. Thankfully, he lead me to the back of the store without crashing into anything.

We stopped when, I assume, he saw Armin. "Marie I sent your parents ahead to grab a-" He stopped when he saw who was with me. "Oh."

I looked at Jean who was staring at me. He was a quite few inches taller than me, which was really different from my dreams, but looked exactly like he stepped out of them.

He was still holding my hand, so I reached across with my free hand to touch his face. I slowly placed my fingers on his cheek, afraid he would disappear. He closed his eyes and leaned into my touch, emitting a small sigh. My heart was beating erratically.

He opened his eyes and looked straight into mine, "I finally found you."

I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him. He laughed. Grabbing my waist, he picked me up and spun me around. Jean. _Jean._

I held back my tears so the wouldn't ruin my makeup. God forbid, if my mum saw that. Speaking of…

"Uh…guys," Armin spoke up.

I released Jean and looked at Armin. He had a wide smile on his face as his gaze shifted between both of us. I rushed forward and grabbed his arm, suddenly I was anxious. This is too coincidental.

"They aren't dreams, are they?" I asked him.

Jean grabbed my hand and I held Armin with the other. His smiled slid from his face, "No, but we'll explain, I promise. But now we have to go or your parents will be furious."

I nodded, "Right." I looked at Jean, "You're coming too right?"

He gripped my hand tighter, "Yes." He smiled, "I'm bound to meet them sooner or later right?"

I smiled, "Right."

Because Jean and I wouldn't let go of each other's hands, Armin sat in the front of the car while we sat in the back. This all seemed too good to be true. I played with Jean's hand as Armin drove the ten minutes to the coffee shop.

No one spoke and the quiet gave me time to think. So they weren't dreams! That would explain why Armin often appeared in them, making plans and talking to me.

What were they then?

Memories?

Visions?

They couldn't be memories. There is no history of anything like Titans. It's ridiculous to even think that something like that could be possible!

Visions, then. Of what? The future?

But then how would Jean and Armin know me? Because there is no way we could know each other if we've never met before.

My thoughts were running rampage in my head as Jean tugged on my hand. "We're here."

We were. Jean helped me out of the car but released my hand immediately after. I knew why, too. My parents couldn't know about this. I tried to ignore the lack of warmth I felt.

We walked into the little shop and headed straight for my parents.

"Marie! We wondered where you've gone off to!" my dad exclaimed. He shook hands with Armin after giving me a hug. My mother though looked at Jean. "And who is this Marie?"

I was stuck. What do I say?

Luckily Jean saved me. "Mr. and Mrs. Bolt, I'm Jean Kaufman. I am a huge fan of your daughter's work." He held out his hand with a smile and my parents shook it warmly.

"Yes, but he's not here at random," Armin said, sitting next to my dad.

"Oh?" my dad asked.

Jean pulled out the chair besides my mum for me and I thanked him, trying not to blush. "No," I responded as Jean sat between me and Armin. "He, for the lack of a better word, saved me."

My dad's eyebrows rose in surprise and my mum shifted her gaze from me to Jean.

I nodded, "Ryan, well…he went a little wild on me."

Jean tensed slightly beside me and I saw my dad's face go red. My mum covered her mouth in shock, "What?"

I explained what happened in that small alley and how Jean stopped the punch meant for my face. So I wasn't exactly lying. And nor were Armin or Jean.

"I'm sorry. I'm making it worse than it sounds."

"No," my dad growled quietly. "You should've left that boy a long time ago Marie."

I nodded. I averted my eyes to the table, trying to avoid Jean's gaze that was now on me. My ears were getting warm.

"Well enough talk of this," my mum started. I looked at her gratefully. She smiled and turned to Armin, "I believe you said this was your treat."

Armin laughed, "Yes, I did say that. A plateful of sugar-free fudge and regular coffee?"

We murmured our agreement and Armin left to order, leaving me alone with my parents and Jean.

My hand was itching to grab his.

"So, Jean," my dad started. I turned my gaze to him. He was smiling at Jean. "Thank you for stopping that punk."

Jean nodded, "Of course sir, lucky I was there."

My mum smiled and my dad nodded thoughtfully, "Well, let's hope you treat her better."

My face turned deep red, "Dad!" My parents laughed at my obvious discomfort. I noticed Jean's cheeks were also a little pink.

"Well, if it is possible, I would like to know more about Marie," he smiled at me and then looked to my parents. "If that is alright with you, sir."

My mum smiled warmly and my dad grinned, "I haven't seen such a gentleman's gesture since I asked my father-in-law for your mom's hand." He looked at Jean and held out his hand. Jean shook it, "Well, son, you have my blessing. Now all you have to do is convince Marie."

Jean nodded, "Thank you sir."

Armin came back at that moment with the coffee and fudge, "Order's up!"

As my mum poured milk into her coffee, she spoke, "That's quite the interview you gave today sweetheart."

I laughed, "Thanks mum. It was crazier than it usually is." I gave Armin a pointed look.

Armin chuckled nervously, "Well, this release was huge! You're the one writing successful books Marie."

I smiled softly. "Well, I guess I'll stop writing," I teased.

"Aww," my mum groaned, "I love reading them."

My dad grunted, "Ain't that the truth. That's all they talk about at her weekly book club."

Jean, Armin and I laughed as my mum swatted my dad's arm.

"So Jean," my dad started, "what do you do for a living?"

I looked at Jean. What did he do? I realized I don't know the _present_ Jean's personal life.

Jean smiled lightly, "I went to university to major in communications and marketing. I'm the spokesperson for a business."

I tried not to stare or sigh dreamily. "So you've a way with words and leading a business?"

Jean looked at me, "You could say that."

I knew he was a natural born leader.

For the next couple of hours, we all joked around, telling Jean stories or Armin expressing the days at university. I suddenly felt relaxed, happy.

My mum looked at her watch. "I'm sorry Marie, but your sister and brother are having people over soon so we need to get going."

I was about to gather my things but Armin spoke, "I'll drop her off. There's some paperwork she's yet to give me."

I blushed a little. I was horrible with deadlines.

My parents chuckled. "Well, we'll see you later dear," my mum said. "Armin thank you. And it was a pleasure Jean."

We all said out goodbyes as they left. I turned to Armin, "What paperwork haven't I given you?"

Armin chuckled, "I only said that so they'll leave. Jean and I owe you an explanation, no?"

I blushed again, "Oh." I turned to look at Jean, "And you. When did you become a little charmer?"

He threw an arm around my shoulder and, I ignored my racing heart, laughed. "Are you implying that I'm not charming, Marie?"

Armin laughed, "To say the least."

I giggled as Jean ruffled Armin's hair. "Alright! I give," Armin said. Jean released him and Armin stood, "Well, Marie let's head over to your apartment and start explaining."

I rose an eyebrow, "Why my apartment?"

Armin made sure he was out of Jean's reach and said, "Because Jean's been _dying_ to see it."

Jean's cheeks were tinted pink, "Hey!"

I laughed.

The drive to my apartment was quiet. I played with Jean's fingers, trying to quell my nerves. I had no idea why I was so anxious. This was the reasoning behind my dreams.

It would explain my purpose in life, if I wanted to get philosophical about it.

I concentrated on Jean's hand. His skin was still shades lighter than my own. His hands were still calloused and rough, but gentle.

The familiarity was crashing around me. Everything felt surreal. How could two people from my dreams, people that looked as if they stepped directly out of them, appear in my life?

No, they aren't dreams.

I leaned my head back on the seat. A headache forming.

"Are you alright?"

I looked to my right. Jean was looking at me, his expression full of concern. I gave him a smile, ignoring my pounding head and anxious stomach, "Yeah."

Jean shook his head, "You'd think you'd learn to stop lying to me by now." He squeezed my hand, "Please."

I sighed and looked out the window, watching the familiar buildings pass by. "I just want to know what it all means." I smiled at Jean again, "It's okay though, really."

Armin parked the car and we walked inside, heading for the elevators.

Pushing the button for my floor, I looked at the other two. My cheeks began to turn red. "Uh…Please, don't mind the mess." I shot Armin a look, "I didn't expect guests."

Armin tried to look sheepish, "Yeah…well."

The elevator dinged and the doors slid open. I walked out, leading the boys to my apartment down the hall. But my stomach squirmed painfully; something was wrong.

I ran to my apartment. "Marie?" Jean called.

I heard Armin and Jean running after me but I didn't stop until I got to my door…

…hanging off its hinges.

"What?"

I stepped over the threshold into my entirely trashed apartment. The furniture was turned over and cut to shreds. Broken glass and trash littered the floor. The words "bitch" and "Jean" were thrown across the walls. Family photos were smashed.

"What-"

"Wow," Jean murmured. "When you said 'mess' I didn't think you meant this."

"Jean!" Armin exclaimed.

I didn't wait to hear the rest of their conversation. I ran to my bedroom. My clothes and sheets were ripped to shreds. My dresser and bed were beyond repair. I bent to grab a piece of the stuffed owl my deceased grandmother gave me when she first heard of my dreams and nightmares. I sank to the ground, silent tears streaming down my face.

"Marie…"

I ducked my head, not wanting Armin or Jean to see me crying. I held back my tears and tried to wipe away the ones that have been shed without ruining more of my makeup.

I felt a hand in my own, pulling me up. I looked up to see Jean there, staring at me with concern. "Come on."

Jean pulled me back into the living room where Armin was attempting to salvage anything he could find. "I'm sorry Marie. All I could find was this necklace."

The necklace pooled in my outstretched hand. It was a small silver chain that looked delicate but was actually very sturdy. Hanging from it was something to the like of a cross except it was looped at the top. It was the ancient Ankh, the Egyptian symbol of life.

I smiled slightly as I put the necklace on, remembering when I was given it.

_"But Nana, why are you giving me this now?" I was twelve and confused._

_My nana smiled at me. Her withered face showed years of happiness and love that was given and received. Her eyes shown with years of wisdom and age._

_"My little one. Do you remember those nightmares you used to have when you were younger?"_

_My eyes began to water. She grabbed my hands. I remembered all the nights I woke up screaming in fear because of those horrible scenes. Fear to be eaten, to lose all those I loved, my friends. "Yes, I remember."_

_She gave me a small, sad smiled. "I am sad to say they will only get worse."_

_I started crying quietly, "Why? Nana, why does this happen to me? It's not happening to anyone else."_

_My nana released my hands to wipe away my tears. "Please don't cry. I wish I could explain, little one, but I cannot. It is too early." She reached back to unclasp one of the many necklaces she always wore._

_She placed the ankh in my hand, curling my fingers around it. "Soon the dreams will come every night. There will be no way to make them stop. But in a few years time, there will be friends to help you along the way. Wear this, it will protect you."_

_I tightened my grip on the necklace, "How?"_

_She leaned forward and kissed my forehead. "I cannot say. But do this: remember your dreams, the nightmares, do not forget them. Be strong until the time you meet your friends. I promise they can help you. And promise me you will wear this." She brushed my hair away from my face. "This symbol means life, rebirth. It's a powerful symbol, often wielded by the pharaohs of ancient times in belief that it will unite them with their gods. It will give you strength, my little one."_

I leaned back against Jean. They were both staring at my necklace. I fingered the little charm. "My Nana gave me it when I was younger. She knew what my dreams meant. She knew that you two would find me," I whispered, answering their unspoken question.

Armin looked surprised but nodded as Jean wrapped an arm around my waist. I glanced around the ruined apartment. "Well, I have no idea who could have done this," Armin pondered, "Who would do this now? I mean, no one knows of your true existence yet. I'm sure of that, but this-"

"No," I interrupted him. I sighed, "It was Ryan. That's why Jean's name is all over the walls. He was mad when I said he wasn't my Jea- when I broke up with him. He must've broken down the door. I never did gave him a key for the apartment."

Armin nodded again, but Jean looked at me, "Your _Jean?"_

I blushed looking at the ground. "Yes, referring to Mar- I mean our relationship that I write about."

I glanced at Jean and saw the widest smile on his face.

My heart skipped a beat.

"Well," Armin started, "we should probably go. We can tell them downstairs about the breaking and entering."

I nodded. "Hold on." I walked back into my destroyed bedroom. I placed the remains of my owl I was still holding on my dresser and began searching everywhere for a small bag, a backpack. I eventually found a make up bag and scourged the remains of my clothes for a pair of underwear. Whatever happens, I'm not coming back here tonight.

I gripped the bag, after finally recovering a pair, and walked back to the other two. Armin appeared nervous and Jean was staring straight ahead. Both looked up when they heard me. Jean raised an eyebrow, "Make up?"

I blushed again, "Ah…no. It's a change of undergarments."

Armin cleared his throat, "Okay, well let's go."

As we walked out, I asked, "Where are we going?"

Amin looked at his watch, "We're heading to Jean's right now. We've already called for a pizza. It's a little after seven so that's the best we can do."

We got to the lobby and told the front desk about the state of my apartment. Of course, they were surprised that I was so calm. I only said with a smile, "No one was hurt."

We walked out, back to Armin's car. Jean threw his arm around my shoulder, bringing me close. My face began to turn red and my heart's pace began to quicken. Then he kissed the top of my head, "You're still the caring soul that only cares about other's safety instead of her own."

I blushed even more. "So where am I staying?"

Armin looked at me, "Your family?"

I shook my head, "There's a full house tonight. My brother and sister and their friends are all there. Besides, I don't want to freak out my mum and I don't want my dad to have a heart attack."

Jean squeezed my shoulder, "You can stay with me."

"Are you sure?"

"Sure I'm sure," Jean said easily.

We got to Armin's car and climbed in. I tried to ignore the butterflies in my stomach. _Oh gosh, I'm staying with Jean…_ I held his hand and stared out the window.

Jean was talking to Armin about my apartment. About what would happen to Ryan…what _should _happen to Ryan. His thumb was drawing circles on the back of my hand. It was soothing.

We arrived surprisingly quick. We walked up to Jean's apartment and he unlocked the door. I walked in behind him and, after he turned on the light, looked around. Jean's apartment was small and simple. There weren't any photos of family but there were several photos of all three of us with many others that I recognized from my dreams- no memories…visions?

I shook my head and looked at a nearby photo closer. There were about a dozen people in it. Several people our age and three older people. I felt myself instantly recognize all the teens and I felt like I recognized the three adults, but didn't exactly know them. I gasped when I noticed the guy that Jean had his arm around in the picture. He looked exactly like me.

_Marco._

"Oh my gosh," I breathed. "That's- that's _me._"

Jean came to my side, "Yeah." He brushed his cheek against mine, "Freckles and all."

I smiled at his words. A rush of different feelings surged through me. I had no idea what I should be feeling after seeing what I used to- no- am _supposed_ to look like.

I returned my gaze to the apartment, beige walls staring back at me. Besides the pictures, it really didn't look like anyone lived here. Jean must have recently moved in.

"This is nice," I commented.

Jean went to the closed door and locked it, laughing, "Thanks."

Armin checked the time, "The pizza will be here in probably five or ten minutes."

I nodded. "Can I shower?" I asked looking at Jean.

Jean nodded and took me by the hand to his bedroom. It was also simply decorated. He grabbed something off his bed as we walked by. He then opened a door and turned on the light inside. He handed me what he grabbed off the bed, a shirt, and said, "There, you can sleep in this and there are towels under the sink."

I nodded, gave him a small smile, and closed the door behind him.

I was happy for the space he was giving me, Jean understood me like no other. I stripped quickly and jumped into the shower. The hot water beating down my back calmed me significantly. I stood there holding my ankh. I need to learn of these dreams. After remembering my grandma, I realized that Jean and Armin were some of my friends she spoke of.

I scrubbed my face, washing off the makeup. All that stuff that I wrote about was real. So that meant there was an Eren, a Mikasa, a Connie…all of them; those people in the picture. My squad. My friends.

For the last couple of months, my dreams have been between my training, that I had already seen, and a battle happening in a district called Trost.

My head began to ache as I tried to recall my dreams and see more. I stopped thinking and focused on bathing. The water again calmed me and I felt much better.

After drying myself, I searched for a brush or a comb to untangle my hair. Then I slipped on my underwear and Jean's shirt. The shirt only went to my mid-thigh. I blushed at that. It was a long sleeve that had a wide neckline so it hung off of one of my shoulders. I instantly recognized the smell. Jean assaulted my nose and I felt myself sighing happily. I looked at my reflection to make sure all of my make up was gone, then I went back to the front.

Armin and Jean were already helping themselves to one of the two boxes of pizzas. At the sound of my footsteps, they both looked up at me. Armin gave me a comforting smile and went back to eating.

Jean's eyes didn't leave me. They were wide with surprise and his mouth was slightly open. He raked his eyes over me and I couldn't help but blush as butterflies assaulted my stomach.

I walked over to them and sat on the couch in between him and Armin. Armin handed me a plate of pizza and reached over to hit Jean on the side of the head.

"So," Armin started, "feeling better?"

I took a bite of my pizza and chewed slowly. I swallowed and gripped my ankh. Looking at Armin, I replied, "I want to know everything Armin."

* * *

Yeah, so this is chapter two. I'm going to get the other chapter up and put my long butt author's note on there...yeah?

Almost done...I just hope I don't wake the roomie!


	3. Remembering

**Remembering**

Armin set down his half finished slice of pizza. He looked at me and sighed. "Well, I suppose I should start at the beginning.

"In the mid-800's, way away from here, we fought Titans. Exactly like how you describe it in you books. Your recent book is extremely accurate also. So you already know all of the history. You already know our training. You already know us. But what you don't know is what happens after Trost, nor how it ends, if I'm correct. You don't know our story."

Armin gave Jean a pointed look and continued. "We succeeded in sealing Trost and keeping more Titans from getting in. After sealing Trost, with Eren's help, we discovered more. Eren, along with Ymir, Bertholdt, Annie, and Reiner, are all Titan shifters. Eren was always on humanity's side, always wanted to kill the Titans. Ymir was always on Krista's, or actually Historia, side, so she always stayed with us. I think, eventually, she wanted to fight on our side because she wanted to. The others though were traitors, warriors, wanting to destroy humanity. Bertholdt was the colossal titan and Reiner was the armored titan. The two titans that broke through the walls."

I gasped in surprise and covered my mouth. Annie, Reiner and Bertholdt? They couldn't be traitors. They were part of the squad! They trained with us, fought with us!

Jean grabbed my hand as I visibly began shaking.

Armin continued, "We ended up joining the scouting legion and, with Erwin, Levi, and Hanji leading us, we were able to eventually stop the warriors and protect humanity again. Bertholdt and Reiner, Annie as always was hard to understand, truly cared about us. We were their friends, but we all knew that we couldn't stop their sentence. All things considered, it was a harsh time for us. Especially because at one point, Levi sprained his ankle and Erwin lost his arm. Levi eventually joined us again, but Erwin could not.

"After this, we expected things to go back to normal. Capture Titans to study them further and to continue protecting humanity. We all wanted to find their weakness, rid ourselves of them forever." Armin's voice grew in anger, and I felt a little frightened. I had not seen my friend like this before. "And finally, _finally_, we made the Titans extinct. Eren discovered a way to do it, I still have no idea how he did it.

"We lived the rest of our lives in peace, erasing Titans from history. We were always alert, of course, and looked out for signs that they may return. But they never did. So we lived normal lives until we eventually died. It was strange though. Death. Wasn't it Jean?" Armin asked.

Jean squeezed my hand. I looked at him. He nodded his head at Armin but didn't say anything.

"Well, when we died, we thought that would be it. Just like everyone else. But the strangest thing happened. We were reborn. And not something like reincarnation, where one forgets their past life. No. We remembered everything. And we, most of the trainees of the 104th training squad, except a few like Annie, Reiner and Bertholdt, found each other fairly quickly. We later met up with Levi, Hanji and Erwin.

"We discussed it heavily. Many people called us the guardians, the winners of the war against the warriors and Titans. So we thought it strange all the guardians found each other again. I reasoned with Hanji that it only made sense that the warriors were also reborn. So we quickly readied ourselves for meeting them. We trained again and prepared weapons.

"Then I started to notice little things, things that seemed to…replay if you will. For instance, we all had our first names again; not our last name but our first. It was strange, but, to be honest, it made it easier for us. Then other things like relationship bonds, friendly and romantically, also became obvious, but I suppose that was because we remembered our past. But also habits and fighting styles were the same. Another important one was our age.

"Once we were around the same age as we were our first life, wars broke out. Plural. One of them, well known in history, is known as the Crusades. Another was a smaller war between the guardians and the warriors. This is when history began to repeat itself."

Jean tightened his grip on me. I looked up at him. He stared at the ground and spoke softly, "Sacrifices of new found friends were made…and of our own. Also, Erwin lost his arm and Levi sprained his ankle and was out for a while, same as last. It was fucking scary…the similarities. And, well shit, the losses never got any easier for us."

Armin nodded, "We somehow defeated the warriors again. But have not gotten rid of them completely. I knew that. But while the Crusades continued, we rested, living our lives out again in the 1100's. We had the opportunity to learn new things, try new technology." Armin's eyes shinning with excitement. "It was incredible.

"But then we had strange deaths again. I guess the best way to describe it is that it feels like you're falling into a restless sleep. Not very peaceful. We always remembered our deaths and this happened to all of us several times. Around several major wars, all accounted for in history as major wars for that century: Hundred Years War, English Civil War, American Civil War, and even World War II. We were pitted against the warriors every single time. The warriors always sided with the side that seemed to want to subdue humanity. In the Hundred Years War, where it was the French against the English, that's how it was for us. Guardians against the warriors. In the English Civil War, we were with Parliament while the warriors were with King Charles II. These last two wars were the hardest: American Civil War and World War II. American Civil War was us with the Union against the Confederates and the warriors. And World War II, we sided with the Allies and the warriors with the Axis powers. Wars within wars.

"Do you see the pattern? The guardians, us, we were always on the winning side! We always ended up subduing the warriors. We always succeeded!

"Sure we always won. Sure we had the same casualties and injuries happening to the same people. The battles weren't always specifically the same though. For example, we could ambush them in one war and they could never ambush us. But in the next war they could kidnap some of our own and we wouldn't be able to return the favor. We had to stay on our toes, play it out like it was a new war. Even though we knew what the outcome would be, we had to play through every gruesome war, every violent act because they always thought they would come out victorious. It's torture!

"But, even worse, the same events kept occurring." Armin was beginning to get a crazy look in his eye. One that truly showed how old he was, how many years he really lived. That look held true sadness, regret. That look showed the life of a soldier. Did Jean have the same look? Did I?

"It was all the same! We all stayed within the same age range. We all were the same sex. We all even kept out first name! The sacrifices, the deaths, they always happened. All these things, no matter what we tried or did, were unavoidable. We tried to figure out why history was repetitive. It's maddening!"

At this point, Armin was crying. I leaned forward and grabbed his hand in my free one, squeezing it slightly. I had an increasing pain in my head. I felt like something was pushing against me, dying to be released.

"But-" Armin's voice cracked. Jean wrapped an arm around my waist. "The last time we were alive, it was in the 1940's. At that time fortune telling was a really bid deal in America. It seemed phony, but Eren, Mikasa and I went to one before we were shipped to Europe. It was weird. And the fortune teller told us what would happen. She knew of our ridiculously long past and said the same would happen again in this life. She was right so, naturally, I listened to her.

"She explained the end of the war, how the Allies, us, would win. The Axis would loose, the war would end, the Holocaust would stop, and we would push the warriors down again. It made sense. That was the reason we fought with the Allies. Because the warriors were again trying to kill all of humanity, except this time, they got people who never fought with them on their side. Whole countries followed them, allowing them to begin wiping out races of people. We needed to stop it, so we fought with the Allies."

Armin sighed. He grabbed his glass and drank deeply. "I'm surprised you could talk that long without drinking anything," I commented.

Armin smiled. Jean put his head on my bare shoulder. Our pizza lay on the table, forgotten. I still had the painful headache, but I willed it to hold back longer. I gripped my ankh, "What else did she say?"

Armin's smile disappeared as he continued. "Well, she told us to ready ourselves. That the next battle will be the last. So, naturally, I assumed it meant that the next time we fought the warriors, it would be our last. We only had to beat them once more, then it would all be over. We could all rest.

"But something unexpected happened."

Armin didn't say anything, but continued to look at me. I blinked, "Me?"

Armin nodded. "You. For centuries, we fought the warriors to keep humanity alive. We fought the same way over and over again. History always repeating. Then, Marie, you were born differently. You changed our pattern. We assumed it wouldn't affect us greatly, but it did. You didn't remember anything. We thought we lost you. But- but we didn't come to terms with that. We couldn't. After all these years. All the sacrifices…

"Well, it turns out that you are still you. We all found each other again. We were drawn to you again. That's how we knew who you were. We decided to keep an eye on you, and that one person, me in particular, would help you through it all. Jean, of course, was also going to be one to meet you. You two have always had a very close relationship, even before you became a couple. So we agreed to have me meet you first and see how it went. Then Jean would come in when it wouldn't hurt you too much. Nor scare you and make you go insane." Armin looked at me with watery eyes, "We couldn't do anything that might make us lose you.

"Then we became friends at university…again. And you told me about your dreams. You won't understand how excited I was! It was happening; you were coming back to us Marie." Armin smiled widely and squeezed my hand. I was crying silently and I realized so was Jean. I held the hand he had around my waist.

"It was around this time I realized some things that were subtle, but obvious. First, is that we're already in our twenties and haven't heard a peep from the warriors. The others, while they wait for us to finally meet with them, are currently looking for them. Rumors. Leads. Anything that could show us where they were before they did something dangerous. Second, we all had to travel quite a way to meet up. Usually we're all born again in the same town, same city. Instead, we all were born in different countries; most of us were born on different continents. And it took most of our younger years to find each other. That was the worst."

Armin sat up straight and spread his arm, because his hand was still in my tight grasp. "Well, that's all I really have to say. I mean, unless you have questions…?"

I nodded, gritting my teeth slightly when the pain picked up again. "How did you find me?"

Armin looked at our hands, "When we all found each other, we realized you were the only one missing. Jean was frantic. We thought history had already began to repeat itself extremely early. But when we began talking to everyone; Hanji and I speculated. One night, we were all eating dinner and we all felt a strange sensation, like someone had tied a rope around us and was pulling us all in the same direction."

I interrupted him, "How old were you all?"

Armin thought for a second, "About fourteen or fifteen years old."

My eyes widened in surprise. "That was about the time I was beginning to have my nightmares and dreams constantly," I whispered.

"You're memories coming back must have been what pulled us to you!" Armin was getting excited, I could tell by the look in his eyes. "Well, we all felt the pull leading us to a specific city, this city. We scouted around, looking for you. But, to be honest, we were looking for Marco," he said, looking at me apologetically.

I shook my head, squeezing his hand, "That was the logical thing to do."

Armin nodded, obviously relieved. "Jean was actually the one who spotted you. He- what was it Jean?"

I couldn't see him, but I imagined he was blushing. "I noticed your freckles."

Armin smiled, "Yeah. Before we could do anything, we fell back. You seemed to be living a different life. It was as if you never lived your past lives.

"But, one day, Connie was tailing you. He brought back something you had dropped, something that obviously excited him. It was a piece of notebook paper and on it was a very detailed description and accurate drawings of the 3D maneuver gear. No one, in any point of time, knew about that gear except for us. The fact that you wrote an extremely accurate description had us all wondering if you did remember your past lives.

"That's when we decided you would meet one of us, me. By this time you were beginning your time at university. So all I had to do was enroll and somehow form a study group with you."

I smiled fondly at the memory. "Not to be rude, but how did you all decide you should meet me? Not Connie or Sasha? Or Jean?" I asked Armin.

Jean sighed from his spot on my shoulder and he answered, "They thought Armin was someone who was close enough for you to feel comfortable with but not too close that he might trigger something that could harm you."

Armin nodded solemnly, "The mind is a very fragile thing. We were afraid that if Jean did trigger something, you would go insane. You're memories would shatter your mental state. The lives we lived were extremely gruesome, not to mention what you, personally, had always suffered a far worse ending than all of us. We didn't know how you would react. We had to be careful."

I nodded, "But what about Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie? Were they reborn with the warriors? Did you search for them?"

Armin frowned, "We don't exactly know what happened to them. When we were first reborn, before the Crusades began, we did search for them. We thought it possible that they could be alive again because they were a part of the original 104th training squad. Any lead we had or rumor we heard, we went out on it. We searched for months on end never finding any of them."

"Okay," I murmured, not trusting my voice to speak louder. I still couldn't accept it. "Why can I not remember their betrayal?"

Armin looked over my shoulder, I'm assuming he was looking at Jean who was still resting on my shoulder.

My head throbbed slightly and I asked another, more pressing question when he didn't answer. "You said something about some others that aren't from our squad, uh, Erwin, Levi, and Hanji. Who are they?"

Armin grinned, "They are our leaders. Commander Erwin. Corporal Levi. And squad leader Hanji. During our first lives, they lead the guardians against the Titans and the warriors. It appears they are born to serve those purposes again."

I nodded, "Are they strong?"

Armin nodded enthusiastically, "Definitely. Commander Erwin is a great leader. He understands the most important aspects of war and makes the calls that usually keep us alive and safe. Corporal Levi is humanity's greatest soldier. He's quick and deadly. Squad leader Hanji is basically the brains. She is our leader in the sciences and helps with the new technology we encounter every lifetime."

I very nearly growled. This was so frustrating, why don't I know them?

"What is it?" Jean asked.

"I can't remember them. Only the training squad. I'm beginning to get frustrated," I huffed.

Armin gulped, "What was your last _newest_ dream, Marie?"

I breathed in deeply, squinting my eyes shut. I thought for a while. The dream last night was one I have had many times before. I had to concentrate for several seconds. "I believe it was when we were retaking Trost. I was on the wall…" I opened my eyes and looked at Armin, "I saw Connie and Annie staring at something. Something bad was happening by the look on Connie's face. I was asking what happened. Before I found out, I was awoken by my alarm for that day."

Jean stiffened beside me, he let go of me and stood up. I looked up at him, my eyebrows shooting up towards my hair line. I looked back at Armin. His face was full of sorrow. He squeezed my hand and let go.

I was lost, what was going on? I looked at both of them, my head turning quickly back and forth. Jean was standing with his back turned to me and Armin was looking at the floor as if he was trying not to cry. I looked at my shaking hands, my head was pounding again, more painful than before. I whimpered slightly.

Immediately, Jean and Armin were both at my side. "What's wrong, Marie? Are you alright?" Jean was asking frantically.

"Yes," I hissed. I placed my hands on my head, tears from the pain spilling from my eyes. "What…happened?" I rasped.

"You-" Jean's voice cracked. He wrapped his arm around my waist and I relaxed into his touch, feeling as though nails were being hammered into my skull. "You died. You always died before the wars ever finished," he whispered.

My eyes widened and my head seared with pain. Something was on the verge of being released, stars appeared in my vision.

_The sacrifices, the deaths, they always happened._

"Marie! What-"

I held up a shaky finger, effectively quieting Armin. "Jean, you have a hold on me right?" I asked.

"Yeah…" he said uncertainly.

I smiled weakly, "Good." Then I allowed the pain in my head to consume me, releasing what ever it was that I was holding back.

Immediately, I was hit with an onslaught of memories. Bloody battlegrounds. Rainy, cold nights. Hours and hours of training resulting in bruises and welts. Shots sounding in the distance. Walls of towering mud. People being hung from trees. People being burned in giant stone ovens. The widening mouth of a Titan.

Then came the other memories. The sound of laughter. Jokes being told. Starry nights. Sunsets and sunrises. Different beautiful landscapes. Parks and playgrounds. The feeling of flying. My squad. Jean.

I opened my eyes. Jean and Armin were looking down at me with worried expressions. I smiled up at them weakly, "Hey."

Armin sighed in relief and Jean smiled a little also, "Hey."

I tried to sit up. Jean helped me as Armin handed me a glass of water. "How long was I out?" I asked after gulping down my water.

"About two hours," Jean answered. "What happened?"

I sighed, rubbing my head. The headache subsided a little and I no longer felt as though something was being repressed. "I had a sudden onslaught of memories. Battlegrounds. Blood. Smoke. I still don't remember everything though…"

I saw Armin and Jean exchanged looks, which I again ignored.

"I still remember you two; I still know who I am. I don't think my mind is that fragile," I quipped. I was beginning to get irritated by their silent conversations.

Armin frowned, "But, logically speaking, there's no way your mind could have survived those traumas. We always have nightmares." He pointed to himself and Jean, "Including the others. And it always messes us up in the morning."

I glared at the ground, trying not to take my frustrations out on Armin. He has always been this logical, it wasn't his fault. "But, I handled these types of nightmares for my entire life, by myself."

Jean was rubbing soothing circles on my back, "What else did you remember, Marie?"

I frowned slightly. "I remember giant ovens. A Titan. Hangings."

Armin stood up and began to pace in front of us. "How can you possibly survive with only passing out?" he murmured.

Jean growled, "Oh, yeah. Let's not give two shits about the fact that she remembered without really fucking herself over."

"Jean," I warned.

Armin waved him off, "No, it's not that. I want to know. That way we could help ourselves." He stopped pacing suddenly and kneeled in front of me. "Marie," he whispered, "what else did you remember?"

I smiled slightly, staring into space. "I remember laughing and joking. Gorgeous landscapes and architecture. Stars." I shifted my gaze to Armin, a soft smile on his face, "I remember my squad."

Jean wrapped his arm around my shoulder as Armin's eyes watered slightly.

I yawned slightly. "Sorry, but I'm beginning to feel a little tired. I feel a lot better though. And it's late."

Armin stood, "Yeah I should go. Get a lot of rest Marie."

Jean walked Armin to the door and I tried to ignore the fact that they were whispering to each other.

* * *

Yay! So know I'm done uploading for the night...morning. Whatever. Anyways, this chapter is pretty slow because it's just a filler explaining the situation. The action will start in a couple of chapters and the Jean/Marie(Marco) will start..ehm..next chapter. And that makes me extremely nervous. Haha...so I know it's a bit slow and confusing. I tried to clear up all confusion with this chapter. If you're still confused, tell me and I'll answer without giving anything away. You can do that here or tumblr, which ever is easiest for you.

So, for this particular story I already have the next two chapters pretty much done...because this was typed long ago. But I'm weird and like reading over them about thirty times before I even come close to posting them.

Yeah, so, I'll be updating stuff hopefully during spring break. I just have to work it around my spring training...yippee. But I will try to update during break. I just don't know what yet.

Leave me a comment or favorite lovelies. I hope you're all doing well! Happy reading!

Love, Ash 3


	4. Jean

**Jean**

(WARNING: EXTREME FLUFF AND (SOME) SMUT ARE IN THIS CHAPTER!)

Jean locked the door behind Armin. I stared at him from where I was sitting, playing with the hem of his shirt. My bare legs were drawn underneath me.

I slowly began to realize that we were alone.

My face began to get warm and I stared at my hands, my hair hiding my face from him.

I heard his footsteps as he walked towards me. The sofa dipped slightly as he sat beside me. I still didn't turn my head. I didn't completely understand why I was embarrassed. I've been with Jean so many times before surely…

_But you were Marco, not Marie._

I bit my lip, a feeling of dread washing over me.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly.

My entire body was tingling, anxious that him, _Jean_, was right _there._ I nodded, still not looking up at him, "Yes, I'm just thinking about how different everything is."

He sighed, "It _is_ a lot to take in, but we never had this happen before. So we'll be going through this blindly with you."

I nodded again. "So how's it going to work?"

"Huh? How's what going to work?"

I was nervous, but I _had _to say it. "You and me. I'm not Marco, not male. I'm Marie, I'm a woman."

He was silent for a second. I braced myself for the worse. The _it's not so get over it._

But instead he laughed.

I looked at him, finally, incredulously, "What?"

"Oh Marie, I was-" he laughed again. "I was so scared that _you_ were going to say it's not going to work."

I was still lost. "But I'm a girl. I'm-"

"Still you," Jean finished. "Still the same kind-hearted person I fell for. Still creative and sweet and determined."

I blinked, "But-"

"Marie, wasn't it you who said love is the union between two _souls_ not _bodies_? Well, you are my soul mate, that's how we keep finding each other."

I blinked and went to staring at my hands, my hair hiding my red face again. Did he really just call me that?

Jean chuckled, "I will say this though, this hair is going to take some getting used to."

His hand tucked my hair behind my ear and my heart's pace quickened. He smiled at me and took his hand back. "Well, you can sleep in my bed, I'll sleep here."

"What? No! The couch is too small!"

Jean shook his head, "I'm a gentleman so that's how it's going to be."

I could tell that he wasn't going to budge so I stood up, or at least tried, the shirt kept trying to go up. I held it at mid-thigh and, nervously, I leaned down and kissed his cheek, "Good night, Jean."

His cheeks turned pink and I smiled to myself, going to his room.

I flopped on his bed, utterly exhausted (which was weird considering that I passed out for a few hours), and buried myself in his pillows and sheets. His scent was every where. I was so relaxed and at ease, I fell asleep immediately, a smile on my face.

_"Jean. Calm down!" I yelled. I landed hard, stumbling back a few steps, and ran in the opposite direction of Jean._

_"Marco?"_

_I didn't answer. I continued running and only started to use my gear when I heard the Titan behind me. In the back of my mind, I thought _Jean's safe,_ but continued moving forward. The Titan closing in._

_The line whirred out of my gear and into the neighboring wall. Swinging forward, the gas pushing me along, I tried to change course, to take the Titan. My heart was beating faster and I bit my lip in an attempt to concentrate._

_The wall then collapsed and I was falling to ground. I gripped the handles of my blades and tried to land on my feet, but landed on a mass of broken glass and bricks._

_"Ah!" I stumbled, trying to catch my footing, but something grabbed me. My heart was beating wildly as I tried to use my blades, to break free, but it was no use. All I could see was the Titan's widening mouth, getting larger and-_

"JEAN!"

I sat straight up in bed. My head was pounding and my entire body shaking. I slowly realized I was crying, small whimpers slipped past my lips. I couldn't hold them back.

I grabbed my sides and began rocking back and forth. "I-it's o-okay, Marie. You-you aren't Marco." I stuttered, tears slid down my cheeks as I tried to stop shaking.

There was a crash and suddenly the light was on, "Marie?"

I looked up and saw Jean standing in the doorway. _Jean!_ My mind was screaming as I jumped out of bed, ran to him, and threw my arms around him. "Oh my- Thank goodness you're alright! I thought-"

"Wait, slow down. What happened?"

I hugged him tighter, "I thought you were going to be killed. My heart had stopped. I had another dr- memory."

Jean wrapped his arms around me, "Shh, it's okay, I'm here. You and I are both okay."

I had calmed down significantly by the time he sat me back on the bed. My eyes weren't red, but, gosh, my hair was a pile of frizz. Jean sat next to me.

"What time is it?" I croaked.

Jean looked back towards the night stand, "Almost two thirty."

I tried to brush my hair with my fingers and gave up. I took a hair tie and tied my hair up, sighing. _That was the worst one by far. Jean…_

Looking to my right and realized Jean was staring determinedly at the other wall. Maybe I had upset him. I scrunched my eyebrows and dropped my eyes to my lap.

The shirt had gone up, way past my mid-thigh. Almost enough to show my underwear. Oh.

I blushed and pulled it down. I was too anxious to go back to sleep now, my heart was still racing. "Jean?" I whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Will you stay with me?" I grabbed his hand, grateful for the warmth it provided.

He nodded, his ears a little pink, "Let me turn off the light."

He went to do that and I, reluctantly, crawled back under the sheets.

Soon he was there lying next to me, facing me.

One of his curtains were open and it allowed moonlight to stream through the window. I could see his face as well as he could see mine. Gently, I ran my hand over his cheek and to his hair. "I still can't believe you're here. I keep hoping this is not just another dream. That you're real."

He took my hand and held it against his cheek, "I'm real. And I'll always find you."

He took his hand and ran it across my hairline, my heart fluttered at his gentle caress. He inched towards me and gently took the hair tie out. I frowned and narrowed my eyes slightly.

Jean laughed, "What? Surely you remember me always messing with your hair."

I smiled slightly, "Yes." But frowned again, "But it's horrible right now, terribly frizzy-"

"No," he quietly interrupted me, "It's perfect, just like always, only longer."

Then he was leaning forward, his eyes closing.

My heart sped up and I began to close my own eyes, hoping, _praying,_ I wouldn't wake up.

I didn't.

His lips met mine and I melted into his embrace. The kiss was soft, full of longing. He wrapped his arm around my waist, his other still in my hair. My hands were on his chest and I felt so giddy.

He pulled back and stared into my eyes. "Still feels exactly the same."

I sighed happily, smiling up at him, "You've no idea how long I wanted to do that."

He raised an eyebrow and smirked, "You've no idea how long I _waited_ to do that."

I giggled and rolled my eyes, "You need to stop repeating me, Mister."

He chuckled, his face came closer, our noses were touching. "Or what?" he breathed.

I stuttered, my mind fogging over, "Or-um."

His lips were on mine again, only this time the kiss was more passionate. So full of want, lust, love; I was thankful that we were laying down.

His lips kneaded mine. Then his teeth caught my bottom lip and my breath caught. I could feel that smirk he loved wearing, that I loved seeing, on his face. His tongue traced my lips and I moaned, allowing him entrance. He gripped me tighter as he explored my mouth. He tasted so amazing…

My own tongue explored his mouth, crossing paths with his tongue. My entire body was tingling. Every where he touched, I was on fire.

He rolled us so I was beneath him, our kiss not breaking. His hand untangled itself from my hair so he could hold himself up and hover. My hands were tangled uselessly in his hair, trying to pull him closer. His other hand traveled up my bare thigh, a trail of fire following. He stopped above my underwear on my waist, where he gave a light squeeze.

I gasped. Jean pulled away from my face only to trail kisses down my neck. "Still a sensitive spot, eh?" Jean murmured against my neck. I tried to answer him, I couldn't even breathe, it was impossible.

My hands went to his neck and traveled down his chest. He shivered and it was my turn to smirk. His hand squeezed my waist and I gasped again.

His kisses were turning into bites and licks. My hands went to the hem of his shirt and traveled upwards. He hissed and brought his mouth back to mine.

His hand traveled back down my outer thigh again, tickling slightly. I rolled us over so I was above him, getting even more turned on when I felt him hard against my thigh. I kissed him harder as his hands explored. The shirt was well above my waist, and his hands were all _over _that.

Tracing his fingers lightly on my thighs, he went down my outer thigh, over the back of my leg and up my inner thigh. My breath hitched against his mouth as he inched his way higher. Before he hit my center, he went back out.

I pulled away from him, both of us gasping. "Tease," I breathed.

"You like the foreplay," he remarked, the smirk on his lips again.

I raised an eyebrow at that sexy smirk. Slowly, without moving my body, except my arms, I pulled off his shirt, staring at him the whole time. I propped my self up on my arms and kissed down his jaw and to his neck, slowly, lightly grazing my tongue and teeth against his skin. His breathing quickened and his eyes closed. I flecked my tongue over his nipple and he gripped my sides, moaning, "Marie…"

I continued my kissing and licking to his navel, taking my time when I felt his abs, admiring them. Jean was moaning and shivering underneath me. I felt it getting hotter in the room. I reached the edge of his shorts and traced his v line with my tongue. His breathing sped up again when my tongue dipped beneath his waistband. My hand ghosted across his erection, his hips raised, trying to get some kind of friction going.

I stopped and straddled his waist. His cock obviously visible through his shorts. I could feel myself getting excited.

I watched Jean slowly open his eyes. He sat up and growled, "Tease."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his ear, whispering, "You like the foreplay." He groaned slightly in my ear, wrapping his own arms around my waist. My nails traveled up his neck into his hair as I sucked the sensitive spot below his ear. He shivered, "Marie…"

I kissed his neck again and lowered myself. I began grinding against him, making him gasp. But his breath came quicker and quicker, "F-fuck. Ah…shit Marie."

My breath hitched too as I rubbed myself against him. I kissed him hard on the mouth, increasing the friction.

Jean's moans were lost while my mouth was on his, but I could feel him tensing.

He pulled away, "Fuck. I…I wanna feel…"

Jean pulled my shirt off- or his whatever- throwing it across the room. I pressed myself against him. He tensed again and immediately grabbed my hips, raising me.

Jean turned us over, keeping himself above me. "Sorry, don't want an accident."

I nodded, geez how could I forget?

I grinned up at him, trailing my hand down his chest lightly, "Only from touching you? I'm flattered Jean."

He kissed me roughly. Pulling away, he growled, "I waited too long this time." His eyes traveled down my chest and slowly back up to my face. "I am going to return the favor," he whispered huskily.

Still hovering above me, Jean kissed down my neck and traced my chest with his tongue. "Mmm…" His mouth went on one of my breast and my back arched. "Ah…"

He chuckled, "Sensitive, are we?"

I couldn't respond. I couldn't even breathe.

His kisses traveled down to my waist. Everything was on fire. All I could feel was Jean and where he was. Then I was anxious as I realized my legs were hanging off the edge of the bed. Oh my gosh, was he…?

His hands traveled down my sides as he traced my waist line with his tongue. Then my underwear was off and he was kissing my inner thighs. He was leaving fire everywhere.

"Ah…Jean…" I moaned.

Then his mouth was on me and I was gone. I tangled my hands in his hair, which only made his tongue move faster, in different directions.

He took his mouth off me. I tried to catch my breath only to cry out as I felt him slip a finger inside me. He pumped his finger, adding another, faster and put his mouth back on me, sucking.

"Jean…I'm close…" I groaned.

There was something building up inside, trying to push me off the edge, a fire building in my stomach. "Ah," I gasped as I climaxed. I twitched in Jean's grip as he kept going. My senses were overloading. I tried moving away, I was becoming more and more sensitive. "Jean, ah, oh my-"

My senses were screaming from pleasure. I was twitching, moaning, and trying to catch my breath.

Jean removed his fingers, replacing them with his tongue. The muscle sliding in and out, moving faster and faster, going in every direction. His hands held me down, keeping me from moving too far.

I moaned. "Jean…" I breathed, dragging out his name. My back arched as I was pushed off the edge again. He finally pulled away.

I looked at him, my chest heaving. "Why…did you…keep going?" I asked breathlessly.

Jean climbed above me, hovering, and kissed me hard. He literally took my breath away. My head was spinning and I could taste myself on him. He pulled away, both of us breathing hard. "I had taken a course in university this time around. It had taught me a few things about the male and female sex life. I wanted to try it."

I frowned up at him, cheeks dusted pink.

Jean chuckled at my expression, "Oh please Marie, don't crinkle your freckled nose at me." He climbed off the bed, "And don't act like you didn't enjoy it."

I lied there, totally drained. As I caught my breath, Jean walked to his closet and turned on the light.

I sat up as he stripped. I stared, _dang he has a nice ass._ He pulled on some green boxers and grabbed something walking over to me after turning off the light. "Do you want some clothes or do you prefer what you're currently wearing?" he winked at me.

I blushed and grabbed the clothes from his loose grip, "Thank you, Mr. Sass." I pulled on a pair of his boxers, dark blue. The shirt was a white button up. I pulled it on and did the two middle buttons, flipping my hair over my shoulder, "How cliché."

"Honestly, I'm used to you shirtless. Unless you want to go back to the norm, don't complain," he smirked.

I blushed again and stood. I wrapped my arms around him. He embraced me and kissed the top of my head. "I've missed you, Marie," he whispered, his voice cracking slightly.

I looked up at him, sorrow burning through me, "I missed you too, Jean. I'm so sorry."

He brushed his cheek against mine, his breathing shallow.

I brought him to the edge of the bed. His face was buried in my neck and I lightly ran my fingers through his blonde hair, hoping he would relax in my embrace. I thought about what he and Armin told me earlier. "It must be hard for you to see it repeatedly," I whispered.

"It's taught me to cherish you for as long as I have you. But the worst thing is that I have never _seen_ it. I'm always somewhere else, unable to come to your aid, unable to help you," Jean's voice cracked again.

My heart was breaking at the sound of his pained voice. I wrapped one arm around him and brought his face up to look at me. His hazel eyes were so sad that it nearly broke me. "I'm here now, alright? Let's enjoy each other. Besides," I tried to sound a little hopeful, "the pattern's changed this time around. We can make it come out for the better."

He nodded, hope sparking in his eyes. He leaned in and kissed me breathless again. When he pulled away, I looked down, blushing.

I heard him chuckle, which lifted my spirits greatly. He nudged my forehead with his nose and I looked up at him. His hazel eyes bore into my brown ones. The love and happiness that shown made me weak at the knees; I was silently grateful that we were sitting down.

"I love you."

I smiled and leaned forward. "I love you, too," I murmured against his lips.

I felt Jean smile widely against my mouth and he closed the distance, pressing a soft kiss against my lips.

He pulled away and gave me a smirk, "And, just to add to the growing list of 'still the same,' might I just add: you still taste the same."

My cheeks turned red and my eyes widened. I buried my face into his chest. "Jean," I groaned. "Don't say stuff like that."

Jean laughed at my obvious embarrassment and grabbed my hand, "Come on."

I fell back to sleep curled in Jean's embrace. This time my dreams were all happy memories.

* * *

Okay, I'm very upset with myself that I haven't updated this in over a month. I didn't even realize it. Spending six hours a day in lab is not good, let me tell you. Anyways, I tried to make this a very...heartwarming and relationship-y chapter. Just to show the importance of the Jean and Marco/Marie relationship now. Because it's not different, at least to me it isn't. I do believe that love is a bond between two souls, even though there is attraction, that isn't what love is based on...at least not to me.

Yeah...so I hope this was satisfying in some way. I'm working hard on everything else now, after spending a lot of time editing this! If you like it, leave a kudos or a comment so I know that my attempt wasn't horrible and I can add more...er scenes!

I love y'all! Thanks for sticking with me. Happy reading loves!


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